Sunday, February 28, 2010

Now Hear This!

This past week several events provided evidence that most of us have much to learn about the art of listening, or should I say, listening well. One of these is a personal example where I was the recipient of above average listening techniques while the other is yet another instance of political leadership run amok. Let’s begin with the latter.

On Thursday the White House hosted its much touted Health Care Summit, a venue where both sides of the debate could share their ideas and perhaps find some meaningful middle ground. The only problem with this plan was how poorly it was executed. One would expect that where people disagree on an important issue, listening skills might be the best thing everyone could bring with them to the table. Unfortunately from the President on down it was clear by the behaviors and outcomes no one understands what it takes to be an effective listener.

Statistics posted in the newspaper on the following day indicated the President out-talked everyone in the room during the seven hour meeting and that was after a promise to listen to the ideas being brought by the minority party. It’s hard to listen to someone else's point of view when you are doing most of the talking. It’s also difficult to be taken seriously when you scold the other persons or show disinterest by speaking with aides while your opponent is talking. None of this makes sense when the goal is to listen for new ideas.

My personal experience with exceptional listening occurred on Saturday night at a Carrabba’s Italian Grille outside of Baltimore, Maryland. My wife and I were celebrating her birthday with a weekend getaway and the restaurant was our choice for dinner. The waitress was especially attentive to our needs by being a good listener. Upon discovering we were first-time guests she took extra time to acquaint us with the menu, including how we could customize any of their dishes. She also explained how the herbs and spices are prepared for the olive oil dipping blend used instead of butter with their warm bread. Throughout the meal she regularly asked questions and paid attention to any concerns we had.

There is quite a difference between these two opportunities to listen. In one case the participants talked past each other, talked to the camera, or talked down to one another. None of those actions encourages real listening and understanding. In the other case an attentive ear made for an exceptional dining experience and assured the restaurant of a satisfied new customer. The stakes are much higher for the White House Summit than the Carrabba’s restaurant. Unfortunately, only the business seems to understand why listening to customers makes sense. Our political leaders still believe that what they choose from the menu is what we all need and want. I think I feel some heartburn coming on!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Second Chances

This past Friday Tiger Woods made his first public appearance since the details of his accident and extra-marital affairs became known last December. The carefully staged event has been the subject of endless media scrutiny since it took place. You can vote on whether he will be a better golfer, cheat again, do Oprah, or have a Kobe comeback (a reference to basketball star Kobe Bryant’s own fall from grace a few years ago). Editorials have parsed his statement, even tracking how many times he mentioned key words or phrases. This obsession with the scandal is likely to continue until he finally returns to the golf course.

Over the years, many of our cultural, political, and sports icons have experienced a similar fate. Caught in compromising situations, confronted with cheating, or arrested for aberrant behavior these persons have sometimes faded from the public eye, unable to resurrect their careers or reputations. Others have managed to overcome the consequences of their poor choices and restore their image, recipients of a forgiving public. What will Tiger experience when he makes his return? Will his indiscretions cost him more than the loss of millions in sponsorship endorsements? Are the legions of golf fans who appreciate his talents on the course ready to give him a second chance?

No one can offer a definitive answer to these questions. I pose them because of the similar challenge facing any leader whose actions or inactions disappoint their followers. We have probably all been there at some point in our lives. Perhaps a planned product launch missed badly and customers were left feeling betrayed. Maybe pay raises or bonuses weren’t delivered as promised. A key promotion may have been overlooked. Even insensitive language can cause irreparable harm to a leader’s credibility.

Second chances in the lives of public figures are often connected to their level of sincerity, their believability. When fans sense their hero is remorseful they will generally forgive them. Of course it doesn’t hurt if the fallen sports idol helps his team win a championship or if the fallen political leader goes on to lead her party or cause to victory. When it comes to second chances, our culture often rewards winning even more than strong moral character.

For the average organizational leader, second chances may not be that easy. In the daily grind of workplace environments any selfish or insensitive acts by leaders can lead to declines in productivity and morale. These changes affect more than the relationship between leader and follower. Customers and vendors will also be affected. The organization’s ability to recruit and retain key employees may be compromised. The element of trust that acts as glue to hold teams together during stressful times could be lost. Under these circumstances, knowing how to express genuine remorse and seek forgiveness is a skill leaders would do well to perfect.

Forgiving others for their transgressions requires a graceful spirit and a willingness to first forgive ourselves. When a mistake is made we can’t undo it. The scars, memories, and tears are often permanent reminders of how hard it is to get a second chance. I have experienced this in both my personal and professional lives, as I’m sure my readers have as well. In the end, second chances may be necessary to restore a relationship or a brand. But the real lesson isn’t about forgiveness for past indiscretions, it’s about doing things well the first time so second chances won’t necessary.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

What I Love

On this special day to honor love, here are some of the things I love. It’s not an exhaustive list, just some random musings. Perhaps you can relate to a few of these or add your own by posting comments.

I love God my creator who remains a mystery to me in many ways. I love my wife of 35 years and our only son, now 32 years old. They have patiently allowed me to learn how to be a husband and father. I love my parents who taught me about faith, the value of work, and the importance of giving to others. They believed in me and still do. I love my brothers and sister – one brother gone too young. Together we learned the value of creative play, how to share, and that working together can be fun.

I love my work – teaching, coaching, and mentoring others. I love the people I work with and the many clients I have served these past six years. They have enriched my life in so many ways. I love the Indian Valley business community and its leaders who make this area a special place to live and work.

I love my church – a community of faith that has become another home and family. I love the persons in my small group who have become dear friends and mentors. I love the Sunday school class I teach – men and women in their 80’s and 90’s who remain open to learning and generously share their wisdom with me. I love Sam, my special senior friend, who has modeled gracious living and generous giving.

I love my early morning walks – a time for meditation, prayer, and listening. I love mowing grass and the warmth of a summer sun. I love reading and learning new things. I love thinking strategically about the future. I love anything Flyers, Steelers, or Penn State. I love traveling anywhere with my wife. I love a hot cup of Wawa coffee, especially first thing in the morning. I love my new Volkswagen CC. I love sampling ethnic foods with people who know what to recommend on the menu. I love social media and all my Facebook friends, LinkedIn connections, and Twitter Tweeps.

I love writing this blog each week and hope others love to read it.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Snowed Under

As I write this week’s post a major winter storm is pounding our region with heavy snow and high winds. Forecasts predict up to 16 inches of the white stuff will blanket my modest suburban neighborhood by the time this blizzard subsides. Events have been postponed or cancelled. Grocery stores have experienced their usual pre-storm panic purchases of milk, bread, and eggs. Hardware stores are sold out of shovels and ice melt. Even the local town of Perkasie was forced to cancel a planned dog sled race because the snow was too deep.

I’m always slightly amused by the local media attention paid to these natural events. News and weather crews fill the airways with reports of dangerous driving conditions, average snowfall, empty airport terminals, and pleas to stay at home. Perhaps it is the infrequency of these events that prompts so much attention. Or it might be the public’s fascination with such storms. I have chosen to give this subject some thought for a very different reason.

This past week I was reminded of the heavy burdens many of my business associates and friends are carrying during these difficult economic times. I personally know individuals who are unemployed, in danger of losing their businesses, and struggling with family or personal issues. Their storms aren’t making the news and won’t disappear as easily as the accumulated collection of frozen water crystals outside my window. These dear friends are feeling the weight of failure, guilt, and despair. While the evidence isn’t as apparent as the snow drifts gracing my front yard, they are no less “snowed under” and wondering what their future holds.

It’s easy to judge each other when life storms appear. Like the local weather person we are tempted to offer a projected forecast of better days ahead or a commentary about the cause and effects of this unexpected blizzard. We may seek to distance ourselves, like staying off the snowy highways, because we aren’t sure how to offer meaningful assistance. Our own guilt at having a job or good health could be another factor preventing us from reaching out.

I don’t pretend to have the answers to life’s persistent and unexpected questions. There probably aren’t any. But I do know that leaders who are struggling need non-judgmental support and encouragement if they have any chance of emerging from their personal tempests. They need friends to listen silently, care deeply, love unconditionally, and pray regularly for them and their families. Like the sunshine and warmth that will eventually reduce this current record-breaking blizzard to a distant memory, our willingness to give generously to these friends in need may be what is required for their storms to pass as well.

If you are a leader feeling “snowed under” by the pressures of business or personal crises, I invite you to reach out for help. It may take the form of professional counseling, business coaching, or personal support networks. If you know a leader experiencing a “life storm”, don’t be afraid to offer a gentle word of encouragement, a small act of kindness, or a few hours of your time. I’ve experienced those moments in my past and still cherish their memory.

“Peace, be still” are words we all need to hear at some point in our lives. May they melt the feelings of desperation you might be experiencing and offer hope for warmer, brighter days ahead.