Sunday, February 27, 2011

When the Wind Blows

This weekend my wife and I celebrated her birthday at the beautiful Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center in National Harbor, MD (just south of Washington, DC). Our Friday morning travels included driving in the rain but the afternoon provided an even more challenging weather phenomenon...wind and lots of it. In fact, the local forecasters mentioned gusts clocked at nearly 60 mph and we can attest to the wind’s incredible power.

An afternoon walk through the commercial district next to our resort became an exercise in personal determination and stamina. There were times when the wind blew so hard it was difficult to maintain ones balance and on at least one occasion we were both stopped in our tracks by a mighty blast that roared off the Potomac River and through the street. I must confess to being somewhat stunned by the experience and can now understand the challenges faced by reporters who cover hurricanes when the winds are gusting even harder. We finally conceded defeat and returned to our hotel room until the winds relented later in the evening.

Leaders face similar personal and professional challenges that make it hard to proceed with plans and goals. The winds of change are just as persistent and powerful, creating constant challenges for us to overcome. Opponents of our ideas may be implacable and tenacious as they push for their own agenda. Employees can seem incessant in their complaints as they defend their turf or protect valuable company resources.

How does a leader stand firm in ones convictions and unswerving in ones chosen path? What happens if you are stopped in your tracks by that unexpected obstacle or blown off course by unforeseen circumstances? My wife and I chose to capitulate because there wasn’t anything major at stake. Our weekend trip would not be lost because an afternoon walk wasn’t fully completed. But the choices leaders make often carry enormous consequences. Pushing ahead against the wind may be a necessary course of action. It will require discipline, persistence, and stamina.

Too many of our prominent leaders (including many politicians) lack the resolve to stay the course when the winds of opposition appear. They either duck for cover or formally accede to popular opinion. This approach doesn’t serve anyone very well. In the face of unrelenting obstacles leaders must demonstrate an ability to lean in, fight the urge to give up, and find the courage to invite others to join them. When the wind blows (and we know it will) stand firm, guard your principles, and let everyone know this too shall pass.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Overcoming Disappointment

Stuff happens! People get fired or laid off. Marriages end in divorce. Loved ones die. We get sick. Teams lose the big game. Learning to overcome the pain of disappointment is an important life lesson and something leaders need to understand and model. Yet we all know it is easier to lick our wounds, feel sorry for ourselves, blame others for our plight, or succumb to fear and anxiety. The emotions of anger, confusion, resentment, and self-doubt can easily dominate the recovery process.

So how does one move beyond these stages to a sense of hopefulness and optimism? Terri Needels, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, offers these words of advice, “Don’t focus on what you lost or what didn’t work.” This concept of reframing the situation is an important first step when any disappointment is encountered. If you have lost your job, imagine yourself successfully engaged in a new one. When a relationship ends, picture yourself with a new person.

Obviously this is easier to say than to actually do. Frustration and blame can be debilitating as they sap energy and may even pull us toward depression. By practicing how to move on, leaders can learn to cope more effectively with the inevitable setbacks that happen to all of us. A big loss or disappointment offers equally big opportunities to make changes. If we are open to seeing the possibilities then we are more likely to overcome each obstacle and learn how to be more resilient in the future.

Here are a few tips for overcoming disappointment. Accept setbacks without needing to understand why something happened. Face your fears head on knowing that insecurity is normal. Be patient and avoid a rush to resolve the issue or change your circumstances. Take risks and move beyond your comfort zone. Have goals and know what you want to achieve. Don’t be a victim but instead learn how to proactively become a problem-solver. Take one step at a time, one day at a time, rather than becoming overwhelmed by the magnitude of the problem or task. Seek out trusted friends, family, or professional counseling for their support. Remember to take care of yourself by eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

Over the years I have faced my share of disappointments. In fact, they continue to occur nearly every day. My recent unexpected illness and hospital stay is an example. The most important lessons I have learned are how to reframe my circumstances and the need to reach out to others. My recovery has been accelerated when these two elements are included in the process. It hasn’t always been easy to admit my fears and look for new ways to frame the problem. Courage is required to tell someone else that you need their help. But experience has taught me that these steps make a difference in the immediate situation and as a long-term tool for healthy living.

If you are currently feeling down and out, these words are meant to encourage you to try a different approach. Your disappointment represents a potential turning point. Don’t miss the opportunity to learn and grow!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Control or No?

My previous blog post recounted some of the events experienced and lessons learned from a recent hospital stay. Perhaps the most difficult challenge these past two weeks has been my struggle to cede control. Anyone who knows me well is familiar with my version of this theme. Perhaps it is my birth order (the oldest sibling) or my behavioral style (high CD meaning conscientiousness and dominance) that drives this need. Whatever the root cause, I like to know that everything in my life and work environment is structured and designed for optimum productivity and efficiency.

Health issues have a way of thwarting these plans in ways that are hard to accept. When I missed a day of work for my unexpected illness everything seemed so manageable, so controllable. A day later I was being admitted to the hospital for an undetermined length of time and suddenly the anxiety of having limited or no influence over my circumstances became my new reality. It was a tough pill to swallow.

What did I do to cope with my plight? How did I placate my need to direct and influence? Did I learn anything about myself during this two week trip into uncharted waters? I must admit that some of these lessons are easier to share than others. Perhaps some of my readers can relate to the challenges I faced and the courage it will take to alter my personal and professional life.

First, I discovered that ego plays a role in my need for control. My self-image is largely shaped by the work I do and how it is perceived by others. While this is not a new revelation, it affected my willingness to cancel appointments and give myself adequate time to recover from my illness and surgery. Those initial emails and phone calls felt like I was making excuses for failing to execute as promised. Of course my clients and colleagues were more than willing to reschedule appointments or class sessions without any hint of disappointment or recrimination. Everyone simply expressed their concern for my well-being and encouraged me to call them back when I was well again. Can I learn from this simple act of kindness that control of my schedule is largely driven by my own desires and not the needs of others?

Second, I was reminded by my physical limitations that control isn’t always within my bounds. Even a part-time work schedule last week proved more punishing that I had expected and taught me the importance of listening to my body and the sound advice of health professionals. As my strength returns, and I once again attempt to exert control, will I still pay attention to those obvious and illusive signs of stress that accompany such behavior? Will I willingly acknowledge limitations and accept advice from friends and colleagues?

The past two weeks have shown me what life is like when circumstances dictate a course that thwarts my need for control. Yes, it was frustrating at times. Yes, I grew impatient and restless as I knew I would. No, my business and personal life did not end or even suffer too badly. Obviously, a longer time period would have changed all that but, even if that had occurred, I could have learned to cope and adjust. I’m grateful for a chance to develop some new habits and practices as a result of this experience. Mostly I’m wondering why leaders cling so tightly to their need for control and praying that more of us will learn how to loosen our grip.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Stoned

I am posting this blog a day later than usual because of an unexpected hospital stay that began last Tuesday and ended yesterday afternoon. My gall bladder decided to “stone” my system and did a pretty good job of incapacitating me for most of last week. By the time I was admitted and diagnosed, I had developed a severe case of pancreatitis that prevented immediate surgery. After several days of forced fasting, antibiotics to “cool things down”, and some pain medication to keep me sane, the gall bladder was removed on Friday afternoon and three gall stones retrieved from my bile duct the next day. There were enough experiences during that time to fill several blog posts so I’m choosing to highlight just a few lessons learned.

Diagnosis is never easy. Leaders (and doctors) understand the difficulties associated with definitively identifying the source of a problem and choosing a solution that will address it effectively. When I first experienced nearly identical symptoms in late November there were several items mentioned as possible culprits. I was treated initially for acid reflux and when my pain subsided it appeared to be the right diagnosis. Two months later the verdict was quite different and thankfully the real problem was uncovered. What makes the difference between a diagnosis that correctly assesses the situation and one that merely delays having to deal with the problem again?

From my health experience this past week I have drawn several conclusions that might prove prescriptive for leaders. First, I (as the patient) refused to wait for an additional test (an ultrasound) during that initial November hospital visit. Since my pain had subsided and I was traveling for the holiday weekend it seemed unnecessary to spend any extra time in the ER. That decision may have prevented physicians from accurately diagnosing the problem and treating me more effectively. Instead of taking time to really assess what was going on (finding the gall stones) I chose a fast, easy solution that only delayed the bigger problem from being treated properly. Leaders may be tempted to do the same when facing business and personnel issues. Relieving the pain quickly and moving on could reduce our anxiety but the “stones” remain.

Second, I now realize that I’m not as adept at listening to my own body as I once thought. It is hard to admit that aches and pains exist and that I’m susceptible to disease and illness like everyone else. Warning signs are easily dismissed with this type of attitude making one more vulnerable to a serious problem later. Leaders are often not as proficient as they should be at noticing the warning signs of client unrest, market shifts, and competitor incursions. They may dismiss the symptoms or employ short-term fixes that hide the real damage yet to come. Empathy is needed to be a better listener and few of us excel in this important skill.

Now that I am recovering it will be tempting to forget any lessons learned and return to my previous habits and attitudes. By writing about and publishing my experience I’m hoping to be held accountable by readers and others who know my story. Perhaps you have your own example of a missed diagnosis, refusal to dig deep enough when identifying the problem, or failure to listen and accept the truth. If so, please post your comments for publication. Meanwhile, I challenge leaders everywhere to recognize the “stones” that may occur in the work you do and be ready to remove them if needed to maintain health and wellness within your enterprise.