Tongue-Tied

As a facilitator and trainer I have worked hard over the years to hone my skills as a speaker. I pay attention to the words I use, how they are delivered, and even my body language. Audiences notice when a speaker stammers, includes lots of “and uhs”, or fidgets with the change in their pocket. I sometimes feel like we judge teachers and speakers more harshly than we should.

If it sounds like I’m whining maybe I should just get to my point. There is nothing quite as challenging as keeping our tongues in check. I know the tongue is just a muscle in my mouth yet it has the power to offer both praise and criticism; to spout words of love or hate; to calm a situation or ignite emotional fires. Every reader of this blog has experienced first-hand the power of their tongue.

Leaders have many opportunities to model discipline with their tongues yet many never seem to grasp the full impact of their words. I have observed managers calling out a colleague in a meeting without realizing how hurtful their message was. Our political climate is filled with rhetoric that stokes passions on both the left and the right. Sports figures and celebrities are often caught on camera making comments that cheapen their image. The challenge of taming our tongues touches every level of our society and often begins with the environment we witness in our homes and local communities.

While I don’t have a quick prescription for this systemic problem I would offer one piece of advice. Perhaps leaders could learn something from the nervous public speaker who walks on stage and simply can’t say what they had planned. I have been tongue-tied on a few occasions myself and have felt the sting of embarrassment that accompanies these situations. Yet wouldn’t it be better if leaders practiced more self-discipline with their tongues in order to model restraint or practice humility?

By forcing themselves to be tongue-tied, leaders would have more time to think about the context of their words and how they could be interpreted by others. They might learn more about the situation because they are listening intently instead of speaking. Their responses could be more insightful because they have decided to speak the truth instead of offering empty platitudes or excuses.

A tongue-tied leader might be the best thing that could happen in our age of 24-hour news and entertainment cycles. There is already enough noise in the marketplace. What we need is some thoughtful dialogue and adult conversation about the pressing issues of our day. That can’t happen if we snarl at our opponents, search for the pithiest sound bite, or boast confidently about what we would do differently. A humble leader would most likely be tongue-tied (at least for the moment) and that could give everyone a chance to stop and think before they speak. Maybe then they would say something actually worth listening to.