Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Sting of Disappointment

This weekend produced a lesson I didn’t necessarily want to learn. It started on Saturday afternoon with the routine trimming of some shrubs that grace the front of our house. I was diligently working on a large arborvitae that has become a bigger project each year. All was going well until I heard some angry buzzing and felt the sharp stings of a yellow jacket swarm whose summer nest under the bushes had gone unnoticed until now. My work had invaded their home and they didn’t like it. The hedge clipper was sent flying as I desperately fought to rid myself of the unrelenting attack. Eventually I had killed some of the assailants and restored a semblance of order to the situation. But the damage was done as the welts on my arm and head soon proved.

This is not my first encounter with yellow jackets. Nearly 25 years ago I still have vivid memories of an even more aggressive attack while whacking weeds at my former home in central Pennsylvania. Fortunately I am not allergic to the venom and so I simply endure the pain that ensues without any lasting damage. Of course this isn’t the end of my story.

While bee stings produce immediate pain, eventually the ache and traumatic memories are gone. But what about the sting of disappointments that seem so prevalent in today’s world? Later that same day I, like many other Penn State football fans, watched in disbelief as our team gave up two touchdowns in the fourth quarter and dashed any hopes of an undefeated season. This afternoon (Sunday) “Steelers nation”, of which I am a proud member, saw our team lose in the closing minutes of the game for our first back-to-back losses in some time. I still have friends who have experienced job layoffs and are no closer to a permanent position with a new company. There are patients suffering from illness and disease whose prognosis is less than promising. The disappointments of life produce pain that is deeper and more enduring than any bee sting.

I was told today that we choose to allow discouragement to take over our thought process. The perseverance we need to finish what we have started is easily thwarted by the many distractions that bombard us daily. Some of these diversions result from our lack of focus; others may be caused by anxiety and fear. Regardless of the source we must remain centered on the larger vision and purpose for our lives. Without regular efforts at renewal—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—we will find ourselves caught in the clutches of depression instead of doing what we can to finish well.

The bees in my bushes reminded me this weekend of my own need to respond differently to life’s many disappointments. Instead of angry retaliation or smoldering bitterness that leaves me feeling empty and those around me feeling hurt or confused I must focus on renewal and moving on. It isn’t easy to make that choice. By the way, the bees will be getting torched later this week to prevent any further attacks. While they may have provided a poignant element of truth to my reflections about disappointment I’m hoping it will be another 25 years before I meet any of their relatives.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A Question of Faith

Regular readers of this blog site know that in recent weeks my writings have largely focused on a personal journey – one where I have been questioning if my destiny statement (To create a sustainable community of inspirational leaders) is really valid given this year’s struggle to keep a healthy business bottom line. I found that my questions are shared by many of you and that writing about my struggles has offered some encouragement to those suffering in silence. In recent posts I told how persons have offered helpful advice and thoughtful insights about my situation. Today I can report a breakthrough of sorts in my thinking about this dilemma.

The revelation came in unexpected ways this past week. Every day was filled with speaking, teaching, and coaching activities – all things I love to do. Each of these occasions included positive feedback in a way that I haven’t always experienced. Not all of the reactions were public; in fact many of the comments came through private conversations with participants where they shared how I helped them in some way. The quantity and quality of these responses got my attention and seem to confirm the work I am trying to do. One of those conversations included an affirmation of the writing I do each week for this blog and was a tremendous encouragement to me.

Today I received what proved to be the most important insight from an unlikely place…a sermon by a young man nearly 28 years my junior. Using a text from Matthew 14 he reminded me that God has faith in us, that He has called us to be disciples and equipped us for the task. Yet we often lose faith in ourselves and our abilities to do what we have been called to do. In the Gospel story Peter and the other disciples are caught in a late night storm while crossing a lake. Jesus makes an appearance in an unlikely fashion, walking towards them on the water. When Peter is invited to join Jesus on the stormy sea he initially walks confidently toward his Rabbi teacher but then begins to notice the force of the wind and the waves. His poise turns to panic and he is soon slipping into the frigid water. His cry for help is answered and he is rescued only to have Jesus pose the question, “Why did you hesitate?” and then to add, “How little faith you have!”

This story’s message hit me hard. God said quite clearly though this sermon, “Why are you doubting yourself and your mission? I have called you to this work. You are my disciple and I love you. Where is your faith in me and in yourself?” It is hard to argue with this logic. When I decided nearly ten years ago to follow my destiny I felt confident and believed I could do it. While there have been ups and downs since then it is only in recent months that self-doubt has set in. I realized today that my fears (represented by the sea in this story) have diverted my attention from the important calling I have received. The doubts I have been feeling are no different than the angry waves and winds Peter encountered when he stepped outside the boat. “Why am I hesitating? Where is my faith in my God and in myself?”

Is this the happy ending to my journey that I had hoped for? Probably not, since fears and self-doubt will always be a part of my experience. You will likely face these same challenges. Yet somehow today there is a new perspective, a fresh vision of hope. Perhaps this message is what you need to hear as well. Believe in your calling. Trust in your abilities. Have faith in yourself. God does.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Top Line – Bottom Line Part 3

The journey continues as my blog posting was delayed a day by last minute preparations for a major seminar presentation and the Univest Grand Prix, a local world-class bike race that filled much of my Saturday morning and afternoon. There have been some interesting new twists and turns since my last entry. Yes, more people have come forward to comment on the previous posts and some new developments have me pondering yet another vision of Top Line versus Bottom Line.

Perhaps the most interesting of these insights came through a breakfast meeting with an old friend and client. Scheduled several weeks ago (before my recent blogging began) the conversation was both unexpected and invigorating. “How can you come to a meeting without an agenda or plan?” I wondered silently when my friend announced this fact. But there it was…a gift to me for the taking. Someone had actually decided to allow their inner voice to come forth without any ego to cloud their thinking.

Our few minutes passed quickly as ideas for a very different business model were discussed…ideas that hold some interesting hope and promise for guiding me through my current dilemma. While no commitments were made or strategies developed I found myself energized by the conversation and amazed at the courage of a friend who saw a vision for my business that I didn’t or couldn’t see.

The other development worth writing about took place on Friday when I was teaching the opening session for this year’s cycle of our chamber’s Community Leadership Institute. As often happens on this occasion I find myself focused on the deep truths and unshakable principles that guide my work with clients. I always share my destiny statement with the group and allow them to comment and ask questions about it. There are opportunities for me to be “real” and vulnerable with these emerging community leaders. It is always a special time and this year served to remind me of the reason my Top Line Aspirations are so important to me. When they “leaned into the conversation” I felt inspired and fulfilled.

These past few weeks have begun to offer both clarity and hope. While the answers may not yet be clear to me, or to my readers, the questions I am asking seem to be the right ones. Perhaps that is what I need most right now…the right questions. You can help by offering your questions for me to ponder. Perhaps you are on a similar journey and would like to share your story. All are welcome as I move closer to reconciling my Top Line and Bottom Line. There is definitely more to come…stay tuned.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Top Line – Bottom Line Part 2

Last week’s post began a personal journey to discover why my Top Line Dreams seem disconnected with Bottom Line Realities. It generated some helpful comments on my blog site plus additional emails and phone calls offering advice. Here are just a few excerpts:

“Nowhere in your vision/mission statements does it say anything about your "bottom line" expectations...maybe they are not as important as what we make them out to be!”
“I find that I have to follow my vision without being tied to the outcome. We don't always know where the rewards will come from or what they will be. I also find that we get tested; walls get put up like ‘the lack of bottom line results.’ The wall is not to keep us from fulfilling our vision but clarify it for you.”
"Great start, Ken! I wonder how you felt when you completed Part I. It seems to me the challenge now will be remaining opening to connect to One-ness rather than to force the "right" answer by heeding the mind's chatter.”


Thanks to everyone that responded so far. I’m glad to know my story is connecting.

So now what? That has been the question reverberating in my head all week and into the weekend. How do I sort through the many messages from my own ego and the advice of others? What helps you to focus when there are many competing voices? I discovered that some time out of the office offered the break I was looking for.

My wife and I traveled to western Pennsylvania this past Labor Day weekend to visit our son. The trip included some time in Holmes County, Ohio, rural home to the largest settlement of Amish in North America. Known for their simple lifestyle and close-knit families and communities, the Amish have mastered the “Top Line Aspirations” I wrote about last week. They are not influenced by “Bottom Line” thinking when they choose to join the church and adopt a centuries old way of life. Their refusal to allow outside influences to change who they are and what they believe is a lesson for me.

I grew up in rural central Pennsylvania, another area where Amish have settled. This trip reminded me of the many ways that community influenced who I am and what I believe. Memories of an influential pastor, a workplace mentor, and my own family suddenly offered fresh insights for me to ponder. An unexpected problem with our car’s starter motor also showed me how little control I really have over the ebb and flow of life (a story for another time).

Spending some quality time with my family was also a blessing. We laughed about driving right past our hotel in Ohio, explored Lehman’s Hardware store, joked about who could read a road map the best, and enjoyed plenty of good food together. Even our car breakdown didn’t prevent us from enjoying a planned baseball excursion to Pittsburgh. Those memories kept me from fixating on my company’s “Bottom Line” problems. It was a much needed diversion.

As I write this entry I admit my mind is a bit clearer. There are no obvious answers to my quest, at least not yet. But there has been a time of grace for a few days where work was not the focus. It’s a good place to be, a fresh start.