Since the very first day of business at Higher Ground Consulting Group I have felt drawn to share my insights freely with those I meet as a way of developing credibility in our relationship. It may be a counter-intuitive business model but giving away some of my knowledge by offering to help in this way has always felt like the right thing to do. Over the years some of those persons who benefited from my insights have become clients or referred business to me. Many more have not and that is just fine with me.
I write this weekly blog and also publish a monthly E-Newsletter. Both ventures take time but are also acts of joy I am more than willing to share with anyone who will read them. In recent months my E-Newsletter articles have included some deeply personal stories about the pain of death and self-doubt. They were written as a kind of therapy for my soul, a way to manage the hurt and uncertainty I was feeling. What I thought was my gift to loyal readers became their special gift to me.
The morning my most recent April E-Newsletter was published I began receiving emails from persons expressing their gratitude for my honesty and sharing their own struggles with self-doubt and fear. Some offered words of encouragement; others simply told their stories and made it clear I was not alone. At community and business events later that day and week I met persons who courageously identified with the themes and ideas I wrote about.
Through this experience I discovered in new ways the power of giving. My words created a bond with my readers. That is a gift to someone who believes I am called to inspire other leaders through my teaching, coaching, and writing. To know that my transparency and vulnerability touched other people and made a difference is all I need to know. My relationship with the audience for my newsletter grew stronger this past week. I treasure that knowledge and will work hard to maintain your trust. Thanks to everyone who shared your stories. They are your gifts to me.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
The Art of Apologizing
We all do it. Whether we like it or not, or care to acknowledge it when it happens, we all make mistakes. Some are quite small and others; well let’s just say they’re too big to hide. Seems like with all this practice at making mistakes we should know how to manage the aftermath; you know, pick up the pieces, solve the problem, make it right. If only it were that easy.
Perhaps it’s our human nature to avoid responsibility. As children we soon learn that pointing the finger at our siblings can sometimes get us off the hook. The blame game is easier to play than facing the truth. Even seasoned leaders and managers are tempted to be less than forthright when caught in the inevitable misstep that comes from being human. We can duck the issue for a while but eventually it will catch up with us.
I often write about the importance of authenticity, a form of personal accountability that agrees to be transparent in thoughts, words, and deeds. So acknowledging mistakes seems built into this practice and should be the first step we take when our actions or in-actions have caused harm to someone. Yet, too often our apologies sound more like an excuse. “I’m so sorry you feel that way,” fails to acknowledge your culpability. While you may indeed feel sorry for them, most customers or co-workers don’t want our pity during a time of crisis. They would rather hear you accept responsibility and move quickly to fix the problem or repair the relationship.
A better approach would be to say, “I really messed up with that delivery schedule [or you fill in the issue] and I’m truly sorry about that. I’m anxious to make this right and here’s how I’m going to do that.” Instead of dwelling on whatever happened to cause the initial problem, focus your energies on correcting the situation so the employee or customer knows you recognize how important your relationship really is. If the other person is across town or around the world, consider having a face-to-face meeting with them. There is no substitute for human contact, especially if the breach of trust was substantial or the potential for fallout is high.
Your apology should feel like a genuine conversation not a prepared presentation or scripted dialogue. Look them in the eye, smile and send the other person a clear message that you are present with them in this tough issue. Listen to any concerns that may surface even while you are in the process of making everything right. Customers and employees need to sense your humility is genuine, not forced. A warm, sincere apology could mean the difference between retaining a valued customer and losing their business forever.
In today’s volatile marketplace the most significant competitive edge leaders possess is themselves, their own emotional intelligence. When mistakes happen, and you know they will, it could be the power of your apology that saves the day.
Perhaps it’s our human nature to avoid responsibility. As children we soon learn that pointing the finger at our siblings can sometimes get us off the hook. The blame game is easier to play than facing the truth. Even seasoned leaders and managers are tempted to be less than forthright when caught in the inevitable misstep that comes from being human. We can duck the issue for a while but eventually it will catch up with us.
I often write about the importance of authenticity, a form of personal accountability that agrees to be transparent in thoughts, words, and deeds. So acknowledging mistakes seems built into this practice and should be the first step we take when our actions or in-actions have caused harm to someone. Yet, too often our apologies sound more like an excuse. “I’m so sorry you feel that way,” fails to acknowledge your culpability. While you may indeed feel sorry for them, most customers or co-workers don’t want our pity during a time of crisis. They would rather hear you accept responsibility and move quickly to fix the problem or repair the relationship.
A better approach would be to say, “I really messed up with that delivery schedule [or you fill in the issue] and I’m truly sorry about that. I’m anxious to make this right and here’s how I’m going to do that.” Instead of dwelling on whatever happened to cause the initial problem, focus your energies on correcting the situation so the employee or customer knows you recognize how important your relationship really is. If the other person is across town or around the world, consider having a face-to-face meeting with them. There is no substitute for human contact, especially if the breach of trust was substantial or the potential for fallout is high.
Your apology should feel like a genuine conversation not a prepared presentation or scripted dialogue. Look them in the eye, smile and send the other person a clear message that you are present with them in this tough issue. Listen to any concerns that may surface even while you are in the process of making everything right. Customers and employees need to sense your humility is genuine, not forced. A warm, sincere apology could mean the difference between retaining a valued customer and losing their business forever.
In today’s volatile marketplace the most significant competitive edge leaders possess is themselves, their own emotional intelligence. When mistakes happen, and you know they will, it could be the power of your apology that saves the day.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Dealing with Doubt
It’s hard to remain optimistic when times are tough. Faith in one’s ability as a leader is tested regularly during these uncertain and challenging days. Perhaps your own employees are wondering if they can still trust the sincerity of your words and motives. The dark cloud of doubt may now be a persistent presence. Could there be any positive lessons in a time of questioning and skepticism?
Most of us have probably heard the phrase “doubting Thomas” used to describe persons who habitually or instinctively doubt or question things. It originated with one of the original disciples of Jesus whose doubts about the resurrection of his mentor and friend are recorded in the gospels. Thomas is confronted by his own unbelief and eventually acknowledges the miracle when he meets Jesus face-to-face. His life is forever changed and he goes on to become a prominent missionary to India and eventually a martyr for his faith.
For modern day leaders, self-doubt is a worrisome reality. As this recession drags on and unemployment remains high it is easy to lose faith in a recovery or to lack confidence in the ability of our government to lead us back to prosperity. What we thought we knew about handling adversity has probably been thoroughly tested, perhaps even disproved. Our dreams and plans may now be on hold as we search for some signs of life in the marketplace. Doubt has a way of killing our spirit, numbing our senses, and driving us toward despair.
Yet doubts and fears are the very tools we need to strengthen our faith – faith in ourselves and in others. Rather than judging yourself as a weak and ineffective leader, use times of doubt to tell those you trust about your personal struggles. Invite them to share this time of uncertainty with you. Don’t pretend you have all the answers but instead confess that you will need their help. Thomas honestly stated his reservations and it strengthened his faith in the end.
We each carry within us a mixture of doubt and faith, questions and clarity, pessimism and promise. It is this tension that allows us to “see and believe” when the time it right.
Most of us have probably heard the phrase “doubting Thomas” used to describe persons who habitually or instinctively doubt or question things. It originated with one of the original disciples of Jesus whose doubts about the resurrection of his mentor and friend are recorded in the gospels. Thomas is confronted by his own unbelief and eventually acknowledges the miracle when he meets Jesus face-to-face. His life is forever changed and he goes on to become a prominent missionary to India and eventually a martyr for his faith.
For modern day leaders, self-doubt is a worrisome reality. As this recession drags on and unemployment remains high it is easy to lose faith in a recovery or to lack confidence in the ability of our government to lead us back to prosperity. What we thought we knew about handling adversity has probably been thoroughly tested, perhaps even disproved. Our dreams and plans may now be on hold as we search for some signs of life in the marketplace. Doubt has a way of killing our spirit, numbing our senses, and driving us toward despair.
Yet doubts and fears are the very tools we need to strengthen our faith – faith in ourselves and in others. Rather than judging yourself as a weak and ineffective leader, use times of doubt to tell those you trust about your personal struggles. Invite them to share this time of uncertainty with you. Don’t pretend you have all the answers but instead confess that you will need their help. Thomas honestly stated his reservations and it strengthened his faith in the end.
We each carry within us a mixture of doubt and faith, questions and clarity, pessimism and promise. It is this tension that allows us to “see and believe” when the time it right.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Still Moving Stones
This entry is being posted on Easter Sunday, a special time of celebration and joy for billions of Christians all around the world. The long weekend began with a reminder of the darkness that surrounded the last days of Jesus Christ as he faced betrayal, trial, suffering, and death. But Friday’s persistent gloom was pierced by a resurrection light breaking forth on that first Easter morning. It is a message of hope that has comforted countless souls since the story was first witnessed and later recorded by the disciples of Jesus.
Many leaders I know, including myself, have been facing dark days these past couple of years. The uncertainty of our economic situation, the pain of job loss, the silent suffering that accompanies troubling times—these are constant burdens that many leaders are carrying. Who can you turn to when the shadows seem permanent and the emotions overwhelm you?
The biblical Easter story tells how a group of faithful women gathered on that Sunday morning determined to prepare the body of Jesus for proper burial. They are grief-stricken and emotionally spent but plan to complete this ritual regardless of the obstacles. None of them is expecting an empty tomb; in fact, they haven’t considered how they will remove the stone that is covering the entrance. Yet they are undeterred in their dedication to the task at hand. When the women arrive at the grave, they are surprised to find the stone has already been removed by an angel. They are free to see for themselves what God has done. Their joy is overwhelming as they celebrate this unexpected miracle.
It wouldn’t surprise me to find leaders who are just as committed as these women were – committed to your company, customers, and employees. In the face of adversity and pain you are doing what needs to be done; undeterred in your dedication to the task at hand. Like the women, you aren’t expecting any miracles and may have even overlooked the known obstacles that stand in your way. That’s why the message of Easter is so real today.
When we are trapped in the “darkness” of Friday, God is already preparing a Sunday surprise. As we persevere in our efforts, God will move the stones for us. Perhaps it will be that late payment we have been seeking or a contract that has been delayed for days. It might be a kind word from a business colleague or customer. Like the women on Easter morning, our stones are still being moved by a divine hand that knows what we need and when we need it. Now that’s worth celebrating!
Many leaders I know, including myself, have been facing dark days these past couple of years. The uncertainty of our economic situation, the pain of job loss, the silent suffering that accompanies troubling times—these are constant burdens that many leaders are carrying. Who can you turn to when the shadows seem permanent and the emotions overwhelm you?
The biblical Easter story tells how a group of faithful women gathered on that Sunday morning determined to prepare the body of Jesus for proper burial. They are grief-stricken and emotionally spent but plan to complete this ritual regardless of the obstacles. None of them is expecting an empty tomb; in fact, they haven’t considered how they will remove the stone that is covering the entrance. Yet they are undeterred in their dedication to the task at hand. When the women arrive at the grave, they are surprised to find the stone has already been removed by an angel. They are free to see for themselves what God has done. Their joy is overwhelming as they celebrate this unexpected miracle.
It wouldn’t surprise me to find leaders who are just as committed as these women were – committed to your company, customers, and employees. In the face of adversity and pain you are doing what needs to be done; undeterred in your dedication to the task at hand. Like the women, you aren’t expecting any miracles and may have even overlooked the known obstacles that stand in your way. That’s why the message of Easter is so real today.
When we are trapped in the “darkness” of Friday, God is already preparing a Sunday surprise. As we persevere in our efforts, God will move the stones for us. Perhaps it will be that late payment we have been seeking or a contract that has been delayed for days. It might be a kind word from a business colleague or customer. Like the women on Easter morning, our stones are still being moved by a divine hand that knows what we need and when we need it. Now that’s worth celebrating!
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