Sleepless Nights

I confess to sometimes having trouble falling asleep. Perhaps it is because I often engage in the very activities experts will argue one should avoid for at least an hour before retiring, like watching television. More often it is because my mind is preoccupied with trying to deconstruct another busy day or reviewing what is anticipated for tomorrow’s schedule. Occasionally my thoughts are actually focused on the worries of life and how I will cope.

Many families around the world have probably experienced a certain level of sleep deprivation these past 24 hours as children, anticipating the arrival of Christmas, held vigil during the night or awoke before the sun peeked above the horizon to see what presents may have appeared beneath the tree. I remember those times as a child and marvel at how patient my parents were when we roused them from their sleep at 4 AM to open our gifts.

More than 2,000 years ago a carpenter named Joseph had a sleepless night for a very different reason. His bedtime routine was interrupted by a far more important reason than anticipation of a new Xbox 360 game or cash flow worries related to his small business. He was anticipating the birth of a child and desperately hoping to find a place to accommodate his wife, Mary, as she delivered their firstborn son. The small town of Bethlehem offered nothing better than a stable and so this young couple settled in, wondering what the morning might bring.

Most of us know the outcome of this special story and celebrate the birth of the Christ child each year on December 25. Yet I doubt if any of us have experienced a sleepless night like Mary and Joseph. In addition to giving birth among the animals, their humble accommodations were visited by shepherds, recently serenaded by angelic hosts. The baby was heralded as a king by these persons living on the margins of society. Imagine trying to sleep after such an encounter, regardless of how exhausted they might have been!

As we celebrate another Christmas, perhaps the anxiety of job loss, health issues, or the death of a loved one has affected your own ability to rest. Whatever is causing your sleepless nights, may your spirit find peace and rest as you remember how much we are all loved by a God who sent his only Son on another night so long ago. Silent night, holy night...I’m sleeping better already!

More Joy, Please

It’s the time of year when many of us experience joy, an emotion that seems synonymous with the holiday season. The dictionary describes joy as “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune by the prospect of possessing what one desires.” Our consumer driven society has certainly done its part to convince us that the latest toy, electronic gadget, or clothing style will bring the joy we long for, while organizational leaders may wish for a coveted promotion, a hefty bonus, or the corner office instead. Yet I doubt if acquiring more stuff will really add joy to our lives.

Joy grows out of faith, hope, and love. It is let loose when we experience grace, when we are fully aware and delight in being alive. Joy is nurtured when we serve others and are glad for their good fortune. Many of us have experienced the paradox of joy and sadness. We know that a truly special relationship, one that fills our hearts with happiness, will also result in feeling a deeper loss and pain when that relationship comes to an end. The intensity of sorrow is a small price to pay for knowing real joy.

Today’s workplace may best be characterized as a joyless wasteland. Few leaders take the time to cultivate an environment where joy can thrive. Perhaps they believe that joy will distract from the important tasks of analyzing, processing, and producing that have come to define so many organizations. The result is a workforce that struggles with doubt, anger, and loneliness.

It wouldn’t take much for leaders to release more joy. Simply expressing genuine gratitude would be an easy place to start. Leaders could also engage employees more deeply in the decisions being made and celebrate successes, no matter the size or scope. As suggested in last week’s post, leaders could become better listeners and act more quickly to address concerns when they hear them. They could create a more compelling vision and invite employees along on the quest. Finally, leaders could nurture stronger relationships by actually spending time in the field or on the production floor instead of relying on emails to share what is happening within the organization.

Joy is embedded in our DNA as though God wanted to remind us of his presence. We have managed to ignore or dismiss joy’s impact for too long. This Christmas season as you observe the wonder in a child’s eyes or silently suffer through the memories of a relationship lost, remember there is joy to be found both places. Embrace that joy with enthusiasm as a new year approaches. The workplace and our world both need more joy. What will you do to unleash and share it?

Can You Hear Me Now?

For quite a few years an actor playing a nondescript employee used those five words to pitch the coverage capacity of Verizon Wireless. It’s too bad the marketing message focused only on the strength of the phone signal and not the quality of the conversations. Have you ever noticed how good it feels when someone really listens to you? Our feelings and needs are taken into account, we tend to be more relaxed and open, and we feel like our objectives in the conversation have been met. According to the International Listening Association (yes, there is an organization devoted to listening skills) 85% of what we know we learn from listening and 45% of our time is spent listening. Yet listening is the most underdeveloped skill of most people, and far too many leaders.

Mistakes in listening can be quite costly, not only in terms of relationships, but in real dollars. A 15-minute mistake caused by poor listening and made by a $20 per hour employee costs the company only $5. But imagine that same employee making an average of three such mistakes each week. By the end of the year those mistakes, in terms of time, have cost the company $780. If the organization has 600 employees doing the same thing the annual loss is $468,000. It’s obvious that leaders should consider the bottom line expenses of poor listening habits.

One reason we listen poorly is because of internal filters we use to manage the many messages our brain receives. One of these is selective attention where our brain makes choices about what we listen to based on information we need or preferences we have. Imagine sitting in an outdoor cafe on a busy street corner while you carry on a conversation with a best friend. Without some selective attention you would soon be overwhelmed by the sounds around you and might not hear or remember some of the key elements of the conversation. Yet many leaders are easily distracted while customers and employees alike are trying to communicate important information.

We also frequently employ selective interpretation which uses past experiences and knowledge to assign meaning, especially to messages that seem incomplete. Unfortunately, leaders who assume too quickly what someone is saying may miss the true intentions of the speaker, often with disastrous results. Without periodically clarifying what you are hearing, leaders run the risk of appearing insensitive and uncaring.

Finally, leaders also use selective retention, a filter that makes decisions about what information is relevant and necessary to retain. While we can’t remember everything, by assuming we know what is meaningful or important, we run the risk of overlooking details and assigning inappropriate interpretations to the facts being shared.

Each of these filters has a worthwhile purpose. Selective attention helps us focus, selective interpretation helps us understand the meaning behind the words, and selective retention helps us decide what is important. But each also has a dark side that hampers leaders who fail to recognize how these filters create problems and obstacles with their communication.

I’m always surprised by how little time and money is invested in teaching leaders and employees to become better listeners. With everything that is at stake it would seem like an easy decision to make. Perhaps it is because our listening filters have already tricked us into believing we are better listeners than we actually are. I’m blaming it on the fact that only 20% of what we hear is remembered for the long-term. I guess this blog will need to be repeated a few more times before the message sticks. With apologies to Verizon, “Can you hear me now?”

Patience With a Purpose

It might seem unusual to look for leadership lessons amidst the season we celebrate as Advent. After all, Advent is the traditional time of anticipatory waiting celebrated each year on the Christian calendar as the four Sundays preceding Christmas Day. For many persons the weeks leading up to Christmas are filled with shopping, decorating, and baking as we prepare for family and office gatherings. If you have endured camping out for that prized toy, stood in long lines at the checkout, or traveled hundreds of miles to spend the holiday with loved ones you also know the importance of patience during this time of year. Leaders would benefit from a purposeful approach to patience as well.

I admit to generally being impatient when it comes to traffic and shopping. Following a slow driver down a winding country road or visiting multiple stores to find a particular bargain has never been easy for me. Just ask my wife about our recent weekend shopping trip to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. I prefer to get where I’m going in a timely manner and buy the first item that catches my eye. This lack of patience also impacts my leadership approach as I have a generally low tolerance for less than stellar performance from colleagues and vendors.

Over the years I have learned that my impatience generally doesn’t serve me well. Creating unrealistic expectations for myself and others is sure to disappoint us both. When might being willing to wait or accept a less than ideal solution actually be in everyone’s best interest? Suppose I restrained my need to offer feedback and allowed the other person to explore options and make a few mistakes along the way? Would my leadership image really be shattered if my patience had a purpose?

Most leaders have a short-term view of events and circumstances. Perhaps that is driven by an economic model that relies on speed and rewards immediate success. Yet there is plenty of evidence suggesting that real change can only happen when our plans are guided by a purposeful style of patience. An addict knows that each day is the only real battle they can win to stay clean and sober for a lifetime. Business leaders need strategic plans rewarding behaviors that will achieve long-term success for the company, not just a temporary uptick in a stock price.

I confess that lowering my work standards, tolerating the occasional distracted driver, and enjoying a shopping trip that doesn’t involve buying anything may never be easy for me. Where might you benefit from a healthy dose of purposeful patience? This Advent season of waiting seems a perfect place to get some much needed practice.