I promised when I launched this blog site to share my personal experiences and perspectives about leadership. It’s time to put that promise to the test.
This past week was extremely busy and more stressful than usual, a time of testing for any leader. By mid-week I had reached a level of frustration that boiled over during a scheduled appointment with a friend and business colleague. My ranting was met with an empathetic ear and a warm and caring heart, just what the “doctor ordered” to calm my frayed nerves.
Upon returning to the office I quickly dispatched an email message that opened with an apology for “dumping” during the meeting and closed with a summary of the conversation’s action items. Before the day was over a reply hit my inbox with an admonishment of sorts, “You can dump anytime as long as I have the luxury of doing the same.” Then came this challenge. “Can’t wait to read the blog that inspires your readers to take down their signs that say, “no dumping”!! Remind people that there is ABSOLUTELY a therapeutic benefit, particularly if it is with someone you know and trust.”
Those words hit home for me. Did I know that dumping is healthy? Absolutely. Then why did I feel guilty for doing it? Why apologize for something that is good for the soul? I’m not sure if this is a profound answer but for me it starts with pride and control. Those two words do not describe inspirational leaders yet those of us striving to become such a leader will inevitably come face-to-face with these selfish and ego-driven attributes. They prevent us from being vulnerability and authentic. It’s a downward spiral when leaders refuse to acknowledge their weaknesses or to ask for help.
Perhaps we need to place a sign on our office door that reads, “Dumping Allowed”. If we model the kind of authentic behavior that my friend encouraged with me (just by lending an empathetic ear) perhaps our employees would lose their own fears and open their hearts to us. Let me stress here that many leaders I encounter don’t know how to be an empathic listener. But, if you want to be inspiring to others this would be a skill worth acquiring.
Could the level of workplace anxiety and fear be reduced if we created a sanctuary where love and trust prevailed? Would confiding more regularly in our friends and family enhance our own wellbeing? I think the answers are obvious.
Thanks, Nancy, for allowing me to “dump” this week! You changed my perspectives about what I was facing and offered your care and support at a time when I really needed it. Someday I hope to return the favor just as you asked. Meanwhile, I’m working on that office sign.
2 comments:
The other week, while in a staff leadership team meeting, I dumped. Something I haven't done in a long time. It actually felt good and during the "dump" I had an out of body experience of thinking to myself, "you know I am really enjoying this." The more I enjoyed it, the louder I got. (One co-worker even put her fingers in her ears, symbolically, I hope.)
I could see the reaction of my co-workers, first of surprise, then I could see their eyes sort of gloss over, waiting patiently for me to finish. When I finished, one of my co-workers said, "well it's good to see someone else get mad besides me," which took the tenseness right out the air.
In the end, I did apologize for the "dump", but to tell the truth, it felt good. And even though the subject of my frustration was, in the grand scheme of things, rather small, it was perhaps the straw that broke the camel's back and set me off.
I just got to the point where I couldn't sit idly by and not express my feelings at the time. I guess I felt that if we can't express our frustations in a work setting among our peers, then when can we do it? At home? It wouldn't have been fair to my wife for me to dump on her.
I haven't felt the need to dump since then, but I hope what I did, frees others on my team to "dump" when they need to.
(Thanks Ken for sharing your "dumping" story.)
I feel a bit like Steve Martin's character Navin in the film The Jerk, when upon discovering his name on page 73 in the telephone book exclaims,
"I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this every day! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity, you're name in print, that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now."
Wow!! A "first" for me-- my name in a blog!!!
Seriously, though-- there is a flip side of dumping and that is is how good it made me feel to have been able to help-- in whatever small way, just by listening and affirming, "no-- you're not crazy, I've been there and done that."
When I am fortunate enough to be trusted enough to be "unloaded on" it also gives me a great sense of reassurance that I am not alone. As Conrad's colleague expressed "well it's good to see that someone else besides me..."
As I read Ken's blog and then Conrad's comment I reflected on my last "dumping" episode and it occured to me that sometimes I feel like a volcano. But, when a volcano erupts it's only the strongest environment that can withstand the lava, steam, noise, and sputtering-- after which that "surviving" environment is enriched from the wonderful minerals in the molten lava. Wow--- isn't that poetic??? Maybe my sign should say-- "Caution, active volcano-- watch your step!!" : )
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