When Leaders Are Hurting

It’s always interesting to see what conversation, insight, story, or experience will inspire this week’s journal entry. Well, at least it’s interesting to me. This week I spoke with a client who shared how a co-worker and fellow leader vulnerably shared with their team about some personal circumstances that were impacting how they were responding at work. When I hear these stories my soul quietly celebrates this display of authenticity and courage.

I know too many leaders who carry personal burdens and fears to and from their workplace without ever sharing them with anyone. The daily pressures of leading any organization brings with it enough stress to challenge even the strongest leader. Now imagine the pain of an unhappy marriage, the anxiety of a sick child or parent, or the disappointment of a teenager’s rebellion walking with you to every meeting or staring over your shoulder as you write the latest report or memo. The truth is that many of us don’t need to imagine this scenario. We are living it.

The world’s great leaders have often led shadow lives. No, I’m not thinking of the recent revelations about New York Governor Eliot Spitzer. While power and position sometimes contribute to personal temptations, many hurting leaders are filled with self-doubt, anxious about the future, and simply tired of the daily grind they face to pursue a calling or dream. Where do you turn when everyone around you is expecting results and optimism? What do you say when asked, “How are you today?”

Authentic leaders recognize the value of modeling vulnerability. If we want to build trust on our teams and in our organizations then we must do the very things that promote it. Lying about how we are doing personally doesn’t seem like a prescription for creating trust. While I’m not suggesting that every ache and pain, or deep personal doubt, should make it into your next company email, I am advocating a quiet effort to connect our soul with the souls of those we work with.

How can any of us achieve our best if we are hurting and no one seems to care? If we heal the hurt first, it seems logical that performance will improve and, more importantly trust will be strengthened. If leaders were focused on serving others first, they would discover that many of their organization’s ills are caused by people who are sick. Not sick with a disease, although that could be true, but from a multitude of personal challenges that can’t be ignored because of a change in venue.

By modeling vulnerable and trusting behavior, leaders will encourage others to do the same. That creates an environment where love and care can be offered to hurting employees and their attention can return to their role in the business. Employees who are happy and healthy in every aspect of their lives will deliver better service to their customers. So the next time someone asks you how you are doing, consider swallowing your personal pride and telling the truth. It’s okay to admit that sometimes you hurt too.