The Freedom to Receive

The Christmas holiday season began in earnest this weekend. It seems ironic that the week we celebrate Thanksgiving as a nation is also the time we are urged to “shop until we drop” with an unseemly ritual called Black Friday. Advertisements proclaim the joy of finding just the right gift for every member of your family while stores are filled with predawn bargain hunters seemingly ignorant of any civility or common sense. The overwhelming message of this cultural phenomenon is summed up in one word, “give.”

The human condition has always cried out for connection. My blog postings frequently remind readers that our souls long for intimacy and leaders should be attentive to this basic need. The joy of altruistic giving is an essential ingredient that fosters the oneness we all seek with each other, our environment, and our Creator. But what about being the recipient, the one who benefits from the selfless act? Are we as ready and willing to graciously receive?

Much of our spiritual and cultural heritage places emphasis on being a generous giver. The messages we learn at a very early age are replete with direct and indirect admonitions to learn how to give. Science has verified the biological connections that cause us to “feel good” when we give something away. Being in a position to give also indirectly implies power and control, a fact that is not lost on the recipient of our benevolence. The pressures to reciprocate can be daunting even with the simplest act of kindness.

In a capitalist society the unspoken connection that we work for what we earn influences our views of how to receive. In a tight economy, like the one we are currently experiencing, there will be some persons who are ashamed to accept the safety net of unemployment benefits or food stamps because of the image associated with receiving a handout. A sense of fairness can also affect how we feel about being a recipient – after all, my plight can’t be as severe as other persons.

Receiving implies giving up control over the situation, something most of us are loath to do. Our fixed patterns of thinking have prevented many of us from seeing gifts as anything more than another attempt to manipulate by the giver. This unwillingness to vulnerably accept the gift, without conditions or expectations, is too often driven by our selfish need to remain in control. Is it really a sign of weakness to allow another person the opportunity to help or to share with us? Should fear prevent us from experiencing the joy of receiving at the hand of another?

In a world where work-life balance is a term coined to describe our over-stimulated lifestyles it should come as no surprise that we try to give without learning how to receive. If we are to gain insights about the value of graciously receiving it will likely come only when we are willing to slow our pace and open our spirits to something different. A quiet evening with our spouse or family spent resting and listening to each other would be one place to start. The workplace could also benefit from less pressure to produce (translated giving) and more emphasis on fostering relationships and hearing the silent cries of our spirits (receiving).

So during this holiday season when a loved one or colleague offers an unexpected gift – be it a sweater or a thoughtful word of praise – surprise the giver by being a grateful recipient. Set aside your sense of neediness, weakness, or reciprocity and celebrate the joy of connectedness. Your thoughtful response of freely receiving is one of the most important gifts you can offer and it won’t cost you anything.