Being Dad

Regular readers of my blog hopefully noticed I missed a posting last week to spend the weekend with our adult son in Pittsburgh celebrating Father’s Day. It was a special time for both of us as we enjoyed attending three baseball games at PNC Park, eating some great food, watching a movie, and sharing conversations on a variety of subjects. I am so proud of the way our son has grown into a responsible and mature adult.

Today there are many families where dads are conspicuously absent and our society and culture is paying a severe price for this lapse in family leadership. Where does a boy learn how to be a man when his father may have abandoned him as a child? How can that same boy learn respect, love, and responsibility if there isn’t a male role model in his home? Of course there are plenty of examples where dad is present and treats his wife and children with disrespect or even abuse. Nether of these scenarios is the ideal image of fatherhood as designed by God.

As I enjoyed spending time with my son I also wondered what legacy I am leaving for him to learn from and pass on. When Rembrandt painted his famous interpretation of the biblical story of the return of the prodigal son he placed the father in the physical center of the painting. It was his attempt to focus attention on the important role of the father in this story of greed, selfishness, and rebellion by a younger son. Many of us who know this story long to be loved and forgiven the way the younger son was, even after he had squandered his father’s inheritance and lived a wild and raucous lifestyle. Others prefer to jealously resent the attention given to a younger sibling and angrily denounce our father for not appreciating our loyalty.

But who wants to be the father, or should I say, like this father? Here is a man who grieved the pain his wayward son caused him, who shed tears in his absence, who never lost hope that he might someday return home. Our legacy as fathers is to model compassion, to prepare our hearts to receive our children wherever their journeys may take them, and forgive them from the heart. The forgiveness modeled by this father was unconditional - no apologies were needed, no excuses offered. The father isn’t looking for some indication that his son now realizes his mistake and is admitting to his dad “You were right after all.” Instead the father is generous - generous by giving his departing son what he asks for, generous in offering a welcome home celebration upon his return, and even generous with his resentful eldest son.

It’s humbling to consider offering a similar legacy to my son. There is a certain level of emptiness when our children, regardless of age, disappoint us. It is hard to be at home waiting for them to find their way. Yet fathers (and mothers) must model compassion in our grief, forgiveness in our disappointment, and generosity that is extended without strings attached. When we behave in this way our sons and daughters will have a legacy of love to sustain them and to pass on.

It may be a week since we celebrated Father’s Day but I’m still grateful for the memories shared with my son. More than that, I am reminded how much I still have to learn about being a “prodigal dad”!