Being Real

I have many authors who write about leadership issues that I admire but none more than Dr. Lance Secretan. During the past 18 months or so I have been one of a small group of consultants, trainers and coaches worldwide that have partnered with Secretan to bring the message of his latest book, “ONE: The Art and Practice of Conscious Leadership”, to the world. It has been an exciting experience and a learning process as well.

One of the leadership topics Secretan addresses in his book is the need for leaders to be authentic, what I will refer to as “being real” in this journal entry. In order to be real a leader must consciously agree to reveal emotions and fears, admit mistakes, tell the truth, and live with consistency or alignment. Authentic leaders don’t ask employees, clients, or vendors to do things that they themselves are not committed to do first. It sounds so simple doesn’t it?

A favorite children’s book of mine is “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams. There is one scene in the story where two nursery toys are talking about what it means to be “Real”. During the conversation the wise Skin Horse tells the curious Rabbit that being real isn’t about how you are made but is what happens to you when you are loved for a long time. He goes on to say that it may even hurt to become real but it won’t matter “because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

The people we lead in our organizations long for us to be “Real”, long for us to practice authenticity, because it is this act of doing what we say and saying what we do that builds trust. In the past six months I have observed entire management teams transform their relationships with each other because they were willing to be vulnerable and speak the truth with love. It is an amazing experience to hear someone admit to past struggles, to challenge a colleague’s behavior during a meeting, or to say “I’m sorry” when a mistake is made or poor judgment is exercised. These are the gifts that leaders can share with each other and all those they interact with.

Fear and ego keep us from being authentic. We have been taught to trade our values and beliefs for the approval and acceptance of others, including family. This practice has created a generation or more of leaders that no longer equate personal conviction with practical action in the marketplace. We all know political, sports, and business leaders who are inauthentic—people who say they believe something but act otherwise. This type of leadership does not inspire others or leave a legacy that builds lasting faith in the institutions that make up our society.

How do you measure up to this description of “being real”? If your family, employees, customers, and vendors could offer a confidential assessment of your authenticity, what would the results look like? As the Skin Horse so wisely observes, “Once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” Being real in the messiness we call life is a beautiful thing after all.