Regular readers of this blog site know that in recent weeks my writings have largely focused on a personal journey – one where I have been questioning if my destiny statement (To create a sustainable community of inspirational leaders) is really valid given this year’s struggle to keep a healthy business bottom line. I found that my questions are shared by many of you and that writing about my struggles has offered some encouragement to those suffering in silence. In recent posts I told how persons have offered helpful advice and thoughtful insights about my situation. Today I can report a breakthrough of sorts in my thinking about this dilemma.
The revelation came in unexpected ways this past week. Every day was filled with speaking, teaching, and coaching activities – all things I love to do. Each of these occasions included positive feedback in a way that I haven’t always experienced. Not all of the reactions were public; in fact many of the comments came through private conversations with participants where they shared how I helped them in some way. The quantity and quality of these responses got my attention and seem to confirm the work I am trying to do. One of those conversations included an affirmation of the writing I do each week for this blog and was a tremendous encouragement to me.
Today I received what proved to be the most important insight from an unlikely place…a sermon by a young man nearly 28 years my junior. Using a text from Matthew 14 he reminded me that God has faith in us, that He has called us to be disciples and equipped us for the task. Yet we often lose faith in ourselves and our abilities to do what we have been called to do. In the Gospel story Peter and the other disciples are caught in a late night storm while crossing a lake. Jesus makes an appearance in an unlikely fashion, walking towards them on the water. When Peter is invited to join Jesus on the stormy sea he initially walks confidently toward his Rabbi teacher but then begins to notice the force of the wind and the waves. His poise turns to panic and he is soon slipping into the frigid water. His cry for help is answered and he is rescued only to have Jesus pose the question, “Why did you hesitate?” and then to add, “How little faith you have!”
This story’s message hit me hard. God said quite clearly though this sermon, “Why are you doubting yourself and your mission? I have called you to this work. You are my disciple and I love you. Where is your faith in me and in yourself?” It is hard to argue with this logic. When I decided nearly ten years ago to follow my destiny I felt confident and believed I could do it. While there have been ups and downs since then it is only in recent months that self-doubt has set in. I realized today that my fears (represented by the sea in this story) have diverted my attention from the important calling I have received. The doubts I have been feeling are no different than the angry waves and winds Peter encountered when he stepped outside the boat. “Why am I hesitating? Where is my faith in my God and in myself?”
Is this the happy ending to my journey that I had hoped for? Probably not, since fears and self-doubt will always be a part of my experience. You will likely face these same challenges. Yet somehow today there is a new perspective, a fresh vision of hope. Perhaps this message is what you need to hear as well. Believe in your calling. Trust in your abilities. Have faith in yourself. God does.
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