May I Have Your Attention?

Today I found myself in an awkward situation during a three-way conversation with my wife and our adult son. His weekly phone calls are a Sunday afternoon ritual, a time to catch up on the work week, sports action, and upcoming plans. I confess that many weeks I am too quiet and too easily distracted. Today it was the Indy 500 race muted in the background and an urge to take a nap that caused the problem. I found myself startled to realize at one point in the exchange that everyone was waiting for my response and my brain was nowhere to be found.

Multitasking has been touted by many as the ultimate tool for improving efficiency in the workplace. Yet recent studies have shown that the very idea our brains can effectively manage multiple tasks at once is a myth. Even if we did somehow become proficient at chatting on the phone while answering email would you want to be the person on the other end of that conversation? As my personal story illustrates, a simple lack of focus during the conversation resulted in a moment of dissatisfaction for everyone involved.

Imagine if each of us viewed our capacity to offer full and undivided attention as energy – energy that could transform everyone and everything around us? We have all experienced this gift at some point in our lives. As a child I remember the joy our family dog felt when any of us provided her with the love and undivided attention she craved. Later I was mesmerized just to be noticed by the young woman who would someday be my wife. Nothing else matters in these special moments because of the focus we experience at the hands of another.

In my executive coaching I find it isn’t always easy to remain focused on the needs of the other person. This is especially true when the conversation drifts or the person takes longer than I might like to share their story. But I also know the joy of being so focused during the session that my client leaves feeling empowered or emboldened by our time together. The latter only happens when I am willing to harness the energy of my attention so those moments can transform.

There are so many distractions clamoring for our attention; from commercials to emails and tweets to text messages. Our minds seem to crave the excitement of being “occupied” with activities. Yet the very thing we all crave deeply – relationships – can only be fully realized if we focus and commit our attention to their development. If we start small, by simply doing one thing at a time, perhaps we can learn this valuable skill. Our next weekend phone call will be the place where it starts for me.