Transitions - Part Two

Last week’s entry was devoted to the theme of transitions but it only contained part of the story. While the organizational changes I wrote about are real and very challenging, leaders also face many personal transitions – life passages that may be more difficult to navigate than any found in a workplace. A dear friend has been teaching me many valuable lessons about the future stages of life I am likely to face and I wish to share a few of them.

My friend is nearly 35 years older than me and I have been paying him a weekly visit for more than ten years. When we first began these hour-long connections he was already living in a retirement community apartment with his wife. She had recently been diagnosed with the early stages of dementia and the news had hit him hard, including a trip to the hospital. Our conversations took place over a light lunch that he prepared and I soon found myself immersed in the emotional, physical, and spiritual toll that illness brings. As her disease progressed my friend faced giving up his apartment for a smaller personal care room that he shared with her. Eventually her health required fulltime care in the facility’s Alzheimer wing and he moved to a private personal care room. While his health began to suffer, he was still able to care for himself. When she passed away his vigor continued to abate and after a recent hospital stay the decision was made to move him to a skilled care facility where he remains.

My brief summary of his story can never capture the pain, disappointment, anger, and fear that these life transitions force on us. How is one to cope when everything that is important to you, including the love of your life, is slowly slipping away? Are there any lessons to be learned that might prepare or comfort others who will face similar challenges? I have two observations that may offer clues about what is needed when personal changes are thrust upon us.

The first is faith. Life’s difficulties seldom come with instruction manuals or easy solutions. While faith is an unseen power, it can be a source of strength when facing the unknowns of illness, job loss, or divorce. Faith requires trusting in something bigger than you, a higher power that can deliver peace through stormy weather, protection when troubles surround you, and perseverance when facing hardship. My friend has been sustained by a strong, unshakable belief in a God who cares about him. He has experienced that care though his family, church, and friends. Without faith his story would likely be very different.

The second observation I would offer is the willingness to be content. Most of us have more than enough to live comfortably, yet the messages bombarding our consciousness every day suggest we need even more. As we age it becomes apparent that the stuff we have accumulated does little to assuage the pain and disappointment of failing health or the death of a loved one. When we learn to be content with our surroundings, embrace the small miracles and beauty of each day, eschew worry for an attitude of contentment, then we are better able to cope with life’s changes.

I’m sure my ideas don’t offer any profound new wisdom, in fact you may think they are simplistic and naïve. Yet, this is what I have witnessed as my friend and I have journeyed together through the many changes he has encountered. I’ve been privileged to share his joys and sorrows, to sense the depth of his faith and the balm of his contentment. Someday I hope others will write how these lessons came alive when I faced transitions in my life.