It's Okay to be Different

This week several of my client training and coaching sessions focused on the behavioral styles that each of us prefers and how others perceive those behaviors. Using group activities and individual reflection we discovered that it’s not always easy to relate to another person’s style, especially when it is very different from our own. In the end I stressed the importance of acknowledging that no one style is right or wrong, the styles are simply different. And being different is okay.

The premise that different behavior styles exist is usually acceptable to leaders. Intellectually the theory that we are different makes sense. It’s typically harder to acknowledge that others who don’t share our style may view those behaviors in a negative way. In fact, we generally see the different styles of others from a negative point of view. Someone who has a dominant style is seen as bossy or controlling. A person who prefers a steady pace and stable environment can be labeled as too rigid or inflexible. Those with an influencing style may seem flaky or unrealistic while a person who values accuracy and quality is branded a perfectionist.

Instead of celebrating diversity and inviting each behavioral style to contribute their strengths to the team it is often easier to simply dismiss the other person’s attributes and impose our own. If you are the team or company leader this is a dangerous path to choose. Failing to appreciate the different styles of others, or refusing to flex your own behavior when the situation requires it, will rarely build trust and respect in one’s leadership ability. Increased conflict, decreased communication, and a caustic work environment will eventually result.

When a leader demonstrates the courage and vulnerability to reveal their behavioral styles, and makes an effort to accept and work with the styles of those who are different, a transformation can take place. Instead of being intimidated or annoyed by how different your colleagues are, you can learn to see how their behaviors complement your own, including making valuable contributions in areas where you are weak. By changing your perspective the door is opened for greater acceptance and cooperation.

If colleagues, clients, or vendors seem hard to understand and difficult to work with it may be time to look in the mirror. Your own lack of self-awareness could be the reason you are so uncomfortable. By discovering your dominant style or styles and learning to read the styles of others those unusual behaviors you notice don’t have to be wrong. But they will always be different and that is okay.