Should Leaders Cry?

If you are anything like me there have been times in your life when you messed up. It doesn’t matter whether you were in a leadership position or not, it never feels good to disappoint someone you love or face the consequences of your own poor choices. What should leaders do when they encounter failure? How should we react when the taste of defeat is still fresh in our mouth?

As a child I can recall more than one occasion when a nasty bicycle fall, a fight with a sibling, or a less than stellar grade resulted in a torrent of tears. Those moments didn’t last forever and I am grateful for the emotional outlet provided through the weeping that accompanied each of these events. Perhaps you can remember the pain of a grandfather’s death when, at age 13, I lost all sense of composure as I sat in the car waiting to accompany the hearse to a nearby cemetery. Or maybe you were comforting a friend or loved as they shared the pain of a broken relationship.

We are emotional creatures connected in mysterious ways to each other and all of creation. That “lump in our throat” is a visceral response mechanism too often ignored or suppressed to meet the expectations of social and business decorum. I will admit to crying in public, or at least choking back tears, on more than one occasion. Some observers may have viewed it as a sign of weakness. That is how I once felt about such things.

As I often write in this journal the world is looking for authentic leadership. Some might suggest that only strong and stoic persons need apply. Yet isn’t authenticity rooted in the notion that how I feel, what I believe, and how I act is interconnected in such a way that there are no gaps? What you see is actually who I am at my deepest level. If I am experiencing pain, loss, or disappointment why must those emotions be hidden from the people I am leading? How can I be trusted and respected if those following me never see who I really am?

I belong to a special support group of community and business leaders that model this beautifully in our monthly gatherings. When I am sitting with them and hearing their stories I experience the freedom to be vulnerable and even emotional. Their love for me and for each other gives me strength to accept the person that I am becoming and to distance myself from the past images of an ego-driven leader.

The winter months can be an especially gloomy time for many of us. The gray days and long dark nights do little to lift our spirits or offer hope of spring. Perhaps now is a good time to cry. You may have recently lost a job or are anxious about a possible layoff. Maybe your spirit is dulled by the ruthless competition that characterizes tough economic times. The pressures of mounting debt or health issues may be straining your marriage.

Give yourself permission to weep, boldly and freely, and not just because you feel sorry for yourself. No, in the midst of those tears is where you can find the strength to move on, the courage to ask for help, the opportunity to acknowledge a Higher Power. Leaders need to reconnect with the emotions that are so often shoved aside in favor of logic and facts. Trust your intuition, listen to your soul, and allow your tears to do the talking.