Overcoming Disappointment

Stuff happens! People get fired or laid off. Marriages end in divorce. Loved ones die. We get sick. Teams lose the big game. Learning to overcome the pain of disappointment is an important life lesson and something leaders need to understand and model. Yet we all know it is easier to lick our wounds, feel sorry for ourselves, blame others for our plight, or succumb to fear and anxiety. The emotions of anger, confusion, resentment, and self-doubt can easily dominate the recovery process.

So how does one move beyond these stages to a sense of hopefulness and optimism? Terri Needels, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, offers these words of advice, “Don’t focus on what you lost or what didn’t work.” This concept of reframing the situation is an important first step when any disappointment is encountered. If you have lost your job, imagine yourself successfully engaged in a new one. When a relationship ends, picture yourself with a new person.

Obviously this is easier to say than to actually do. Frustration and blame can be debilitating as they sap energy and may even pull us toward depression. By practicing how to move on, leaders can learn to cope more effectively with the inevitable setbacks that happen to all of us. A big loss or disappointment offers equally big opportunities to make changes. If we are open to seeing the possibilities then we are more likely to overcome each obstacle and learn how to be more resilient in the future.

Here are a few tips for overcoming disappointment. Accept setbacks without needing to understand why something happened. Face your fears head on knowing that insecurity is normal. Be patient and avoid a rush to resolve the issue or change your circumstances. Take risks and move beyond your comfort zone. Have goals and know what you want to achieve. Don’t be a victim but instead learn how to proactively become a problem-solver. Take one step at a time, one day at a time, rather than becoming overwhelmed by the magnitude of the problem or task. Seek out trusted friends, family, or professional counseling for their support. Remember to take care of yourself by eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

Over the years I have faced my share of disappointments. In fact, they continue to occur nearly every day. My recent unexpected illness and hospital stay is an example. The most important lessons I have learned are how to reframe my circumstances and the need to reach out to others. My recovery has been accelerated when these two elements are included in the process. It hasn’t always been easy to admit my fears and look for new ways to frame the problem. Courage is required to tell someone else that you need their help. But experience has taught me that these steps make a difference in the immediate situation and as a long-term tool for healthy living.

If you are currently feeling down and out, these words are meant to encourage you to try a different approach. Your disappointment represents a potential turning point. Don’t miss the opportunity to learn and grow!