I have just returned home from a weekend in Central Pennsylvania where my family gathered for our bi-annual cousin reunion. If you follow my blog on a regular basis you will remember some musings about the previous gathering held in July 2007. I’m returning to the subject of family because it is where many of us received our first leadership lessons.
My grandfather, Tom, was known as a strict disciplinarian who expected obedience and respect from his six sons. My first cousins, who remember him, recall a stern demeanor that sometimes came across as distant and even a bit uncaring. As you would expect in any family system, memories carry different interpretations based on one’s personality and level of intimacy with the person so my reflections are somewhat more positive. An early leadership lesson came on Sunday mornings when I was permitted to sit with him at church. Those memories carry warm feelings as I listened to his deep bass voice during singing and learned respect and reverence for God and his teachings.
Someone reminded me this weekend that Grandpa died the day after my birthday and that memory brought with it deep emotion as I remember crying in public for perhaps the first time at his funeral. That moment was another small leadership lesson about the importance of vulnerability.
I observed countless small acts of leadership throughout the weekend as persons took responsibility for assisting in the kitchen, helping care for the young children among us, mentoring younger cousins as they learned to pitch horseshoes and play Dutch Blitz, or leading some impromptu hymn-singing. We soon had volunteers from each family to plan the next event two years from now.
Family systems can produce both positive and negative leadership lessons. I’m grateful for the Godly heritage that has infused my family with the love and care needed to enjoy being together. We actually look forward to seeing each other and spending time together. The second and third cousins are staying connected and that gives me hope that these reunion events will continue for many years to come.
Whatever lessons you may have learned from your family – either positive or negative – carry meaning and have no doubt shaped who you are as a person. What kind of leadership lessons are you teaching your children and grandchildren? Remember, those lessons won’t remain “all in the family”, they affect the kind of person you are in the workplace as well.
1 comment:
Ken,
Boy this one hits home. As you may imagine, growing up in a very ethnic Italian family, we had an unmistakable chain of command within our immediate family and then up to the patriarch, my grandfather Zarzaca. This was a guy that was born in March 1900 and died on 94th birthday.
Bear in mind, he was 72 when I (the youngest grandchild) was born so I only knew him as an "old" man. Just as you describe, on the surface Pop appeared stern and somewhat uncaring. He expected things to be a certain way and commanded respect.
Keeping the history short, this man was the youngest of 5. He had four sisters, one of which was deaf. His father emigrated to the US from SanFilice, Italy in 1916 and left him to run things there and then bring the family over in 1918. He was a blue collar shoemaker that later saw his father gunned down in streets of Brooklyn at age 20. He cared for his mother and sisters, married, raised a family of four, dealth with language barriers, prejudice, the Great Depression, World Wars, cultural changes and God knows what else. Talk about leadership.
So, knowing all of that, it made sense to me later in life that he was a little grizzled and hard. He had to be. But I knew him as an older man and it wasn't that way for me. I was the "bambino a la familia", the baby, and spent a lot of time with him growing up and into my teens. I got Pop's best years. My grandfather and father taught me what leadership is and how to keep my cool when everyone else is loosing theirs. When to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. It is safe to say that much of the way I lead today can be traced back to something that my Dad or Grandfather taught me.
Thanks for sharing,
Tony Z
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