If Only

Regret is a powerful emotion. It is woven into the fabric of many of our life stories. We wonder, sometimes years later, what might have happened if we had chosen a different career path, listened to the advice of a parent or mentor, married someone else, or selected our words more carefully. The guilt that may accompany these choices can foster depression, anxiety, and indecision years after the event has passed.

If you are a leader, the list of “if only” statements might be pretty extensive. Anyone in a position of power or influence makes daily decisions that may not satisfy those they serve or reflect the highest standards of conduct. Words carry meaning, values can be compromised, and personal ego may cloud discernment. We can’t ignore the consequences of our poor judgment or lack of discipline.

However, those same choices or mistakes don’t need to prevent us from pursuing current dreams and opportunities. I used to second guess myself for choosing not to earn a four-year college degree. A full explanation of this story won’t be forthcoming here. However, since making that decision I have held executive positions in several different organizations, served in countless volunteer leadership roles, and successfully launched my own business. I have honed my talents and skills through the able advice of mentors, extensive reading, practical on-the-job experience, and self-discipline. Hopefully the results speak for themselves.

In spite of these outcomes, the thought that “if only I had my MBA things might be different” still hides in the shadowy recesses of my mind. Perhaps it is just human nature for us to question, wonder, and worry. My decision did not have life-and-death consequences so feeling regret seems trivial at best. At age 56 I could go back to school if it was really important to do so.

I share this example to encourage others who perhaps also carry lingering regrets from their past. Wouldn’t our emotional energies be better spent on celebrating how God restores and provides even when we may ignore his call or abandon our dreams? All leaders should pay closer attention to the impact of our choices on others, not just on ourselves. We should confess and learn from our mistakes and invite those we serve to hold us accountable.

I’m personally grateful for the amazing opportunities I have been given to learn and grow as a leader. Many persons have taken risks over the years by placing their confidence in my abilities and offering helpful advice or encouragement. I have tried to do the same for others.

Is there anything on your “if only” list of regrets that needs healing? Can you forgive yourself for that mistake you may have made or the wrong path you chose? It’s time to move beyond regret and guilt; to become more attuned with what is most important now and what matters to those you serve today. That decision could be the key to avoiding any future “if only” memories.